December 10,

December 10, 2013

As I have been contemplating the events of this last week, I have wondered if I should write anything on our blog, or just leave it for a while until the angry, sad feelings have calmed.  But this morning after starting my day, I felt a prompting to relate an incident that Elder Groberg tells in his book, The Fire of Faith that I have been reading.  I love his books, partly because it is his story about his experiences in Tonga as a missionary and as a mission president, but mostly because of the life’s lessons that he learned from each experience which has caused many of my own reflections.  In a chapter entitled,  “Pleading Eyes” he tells the story of a young branch president named Kelepi who was a convert of not many years.   He and his family were stalwart members of the church, a man who inspired many by his example and his faith. “His vibrant testimony, easy manner and willingness to share were major factors in helping branch members to return to activity and investigators to be baptized.  Under his leadership the branch prospered in numbers and spiritual strength.  I (Elder Groberg) visited there as often as possible; it was refreshing to feel such a good spirit with so few problems.”  As the story is told, this young branch president is found by the side of the road by the farm where he worked .  He had somehow fallen from his horse, “hit his head in such a way that it broke his neck” and laid for hours in the hot summer sun guarded by his faithful horse.  His wife had gotten concerned about him, had sent one of the neighbors to find him.  They quickly gathered him up, got him to hospital.  Elder Groberg was quickly summoned to the hospital to give him a blessing because of his serious condition.  Now remember this was not a hospital we know in the US and it was early in the history of Tonga, I think about 1968.

Elder Groberg hurried to the hospital. “We gave him a priesthood blessing.  As I sealed that sacred ordinance, the words I wanted so desperately to say just would not come.  I felt helpless, yet knew that God’s will was different than mine; I had to submit my will to His… When I finished, I looked again into the eyes of our wonderful branch president.  They seemed subtly different.  They were still alive with desire and were trying to make me understand something. I tried to understand his message but didn’t fully succeed.”  Elder Groberg felt that Kelepi understood him as he expressed his love for Kelepi and his family and assured him that “we would watch over him and his family no matter what happened.  I told him again that he was in the hands of God, that he had been given a proper priesthood blessing so we knew that God’s will would be done.  For some reason I felt there was another message he was trying to get through to me.  Why couldn’t I understand him?”  Kelepi had to be given heavy doses of morphine to control the pain and when Elder Groberg left the hospital, Kelepi seemed to be relaxed and somewhat comfortable.  Elder Groberg visited with Kelepi’s wife afterwards and they were able to piece together some of the events of the morning.  “As I heard this explanation I shuddered to think of the pain and the heat and the frustration.  Why hadn’t someone felt a prompting to go earlier-or more important, why had it happened at all? Why –why—why?”

Prior scheduling had been made for Elder Groberg to leave early the next morning for district conferences in Ha`apai and Vava`u.  Elder Groberg didn’t want to go at that point, but he called in his counselors and they had to make a decision.  They realized that they still needed to make the trip and the next morning they would need to sail to the outer islands.  “After prayer we were assured this was the right course.”  He went again to the hospital that night and found that Kelepi was unable to respond any more to anyone.  “I assured his wife that we loved her and her husband and their family.  She assured me that they were ready to accept God’s will….she immediately encouraged me to go and not disappoint the people in Ha`apai and Vava’u.”  Elder Groberg reported that they left the next morning “even though my heart was still torn”.  In those days the only way of getting information or news from island to island was by the national radio station which went on the air 2 hours in the morning, an hour at noon and 2 hours in the evening.  So as they were on their journey they listened to each broadcast and didn’t hear anything about their branch president.  The meetings in Ha`apai were wonderful with a “rich outpouring of the Spirit… the stricken branch president was remembered in all of our prayers”.  When they left Ha`apai, the seas were much rougher than they expected.  Elder Groberg “felt an understanding that was hard to explain….I knew the Lord was pleased with the conference and that He would protect us as we sailed to the next conference in Vava`u… My discomfort wasn’t so much due to the heavy seas as it was to my mind seeing the branch president in unspeakable pain for hours in the merciless sun with his faithful horse just looking at him.  I kept asking why” and shuddering in sympathy for an event that was past”.  Elder Groberg recounts that he was so grateful for his “little group of Tongan leaders …. Even though our little boat was constantly being pummeled by an angry sea, they were not complaining or questioning….How I admired them. ”

When it was time for the evening broadcast, the portable radio was turned on and “listened to the crackling and whistling of strange sounds as though coming from an alien shore….their only link with the solid world was that small portable radio.  At the proper moment, as though by magic, the radio obediently reached into the sky and captured music and words and phrases and squeezed them through wires and cones and brought them forth in a way that all on the boat could hear them….My heart almost stopped and I sensed a quick rush of half gasps as we all heard he mournful sound of the funeral dirge that was always played before announcing a death.  We regret to inform you that Kelepi passed away early this evening.  The family wishes those involved in the conference to continue their meetings and not return for the funeral.  There was more, but I didn’t hear it.  All the pent up emotions of the last several days seemed to burst in a gush of tear and questions.  Why? Why? Why? “

I’m going to leave this narration now because I want to think about what has happened to our family this last week.  A beloved son has felt a despair that we can probably all relate to, but an action occurred that has left most of us wondering, Why? Why?  Why?  The next question that needs to be answered is “Where is peace? Where is the answer?  And Why so much suffering?....Oh, don’t leave me alone—don’t leave me without answers—without some understanding.”    Elder Groberg found his answers by talking with the Lord through many dark hours aboard a sail boat being tossed by an angry sea.  We aren’t on a sail boat, but it feels like we are being tossed to and fro.  Somehow we need to find our ‘shore and plant our feet solidly on it’.  As we have been studying the scriptures, I am constantly being reminded that our Heavenly Father is very aware of us, he knows what is happening to us, he knows what kind of choices we are making and he still loves us in spite of us.  We are always in his keeping, even when we can’t feel his arms around us, even in the darkest night, he still loves us.  I have to think about the anguish He must have felt when He saw what was happening to His Son, the torture He felt when He knew He could not intervene for the sake of all his children.  I also can’t comprehend His feelings when a third of His children chose another way.  We don’t have the answers for you, but we know that we have got to return to our Heavenly Father with a contrite heart and be ready to make some changes.  We are an Eternal Family, each with our own families, but we have to live so that we can be blessed by His comforting spirit and we have to be open to His counsel.  It’s hard to listen though when hearts and minds are caught up in the things of the world.  The goal we always have to keep in mind is returning to our Heavenly Father, pure and clean, humble and ready to do his bidding.  We love our Heavenly Father and for the opportunity that we have to serve in Tonga, we love our mission, AND we love our family.  We need to start thinking about the blessings we have, hold on to each other and support each other in the days ahead.  We were blessed that our family would be protected and blessed while we serve our mission and I believe that has happened, although it didn’t feel like that for a while.  We have been buffeted by the storms of Satan, but I can promise you this, he can’t win when we have Heavenly Father on our side and we have Him on our side!